Dear diary, I think time so fast and my life is really like snail. I hope I can “walk” fast as the time faster gone day by day. Sometimes, I don’t understand about myself, become so slow and lazy bone! Sometimes is like fire and full of energy. I know life is like complicated but myself is more complicated then anything in the world. Maybe you don’t get it what I mean, Me too.

When I feel I give up then I rethink about what should I do and what I want in this life!!! Then, I get spirit to find it again, my desire which already lost. I never blame anybody when my life get messy, I just blame myself, then I realize, that is normal getting down in alive but more special when get spirit to keep fighting. Don’t think it easy to fighting because I should “fighting” myself and that is heavy and sometimes I lost!!!

Dear diary, when I lost and being a “loser” then I felt dark in my night life. I think again, what is making me happy and how I can feel better? Then I do understand, I should write something to make me feel better. Then I am writing to make my mind get positive mind set. I love being myself, I love my principle my life “NEVER GIVE UP” I know it is not easy to do but easy to write. But, I believe what is your mind is your character and that is the way you can find out from the messy life inside your MIND, THINK and heart.

Dear diary, life is never easy but BeliEve it and DO IT!! Whatever it come to you. If your life is like snail, slow and no hope about it. But, slow and make sure with positive thinking and spirit to make it get fast and better. One day, coming soon your happiness around you.

Everybody has problems and all people has different problems in alive, it is like economic, family complicated, couple, career, friendship, study, money more and more. But, if you give up then you lose your future. When you think, I am almost give up, I don’t find the way to out from this problems in alive, no solves then you remember, You have God and God will always make you feel peace. Believe it, it work for me.

Dear diary, even sometimes I said,  mum, sometimes I doubt the God power, then I rethink about 30+ life I do passed year by year then I realize, God powers so amazing and it work in the right time. Even I don’t like the pastor in my church which he service is not good because the pastor right now so damn different when I was kid, but I don’t care about their position as pastor because they just human and just most of pastors in this time just thinking about MONEY and same like the world. I seldom found the pastor who service the members of church with good behave manner, pray to them happiness and make the members more strong when they feel weakness. The most I know, they just give bad words, I hate it and I don’t need pastor like that! Then I remember, I have GOD, I don’t need people, including pastor to help me find peace when I feel so damn hopleesss.....

Maybe because I miss papa, maybe because I still not believe it! My mind get mess and also I decided my life and it get worse! Then I realize, Don’t worry about tomorrow because...........

Then I realize, a year I never read Bible, a year I never pray from the bottom of my hear, a year I seldom go to church, a year I feel empty inside my heart, a year I feel guilty about my decision, a year.............. many things in my mind then I rethink. I never get the time back, then I think I always feel like this before July come. Because I am afraid my age get one add. The most I am afraid in this world I am getting old hahahaha. I am not ready yet. But when it pass, I rethink I am thanks to beautiful life already come to my life. Dear diary, I know it is like silly words to shared, but I know, it just for myself. Because I know, I am always getting sensitive before my birthday come. Worry to much get old hahahaha. But, we never stop the time to come, i just believe it and do it and try being best.


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  1. Hem... menjadi tua itu harus ya Mbak, aku jadi mikir juga. Emang hidup itu penuh misteri .. salam semangat Mbak :)

  2. huhuhuhu benar sekali mbak, selalu saja setiap tahun seperti ini.. selalu saja takut tapi setelah berlalu baru deh aku semangat kembali