Good morning, this weekend. I slept late and wake up early. This time, I am praying, after a few time I am not into serious to pray in early morning. Hear christian song is my day start. Although I am still sleepy but step by step the sleepy feeling gone. Yesterday was wonderful day, I decided go to church. I feel something should move on and I am move on, although it so heavy and hard but step by step it will be gone.

Today, I feel little sad and I wish it will be gone soon. Like the weather is cloudy and I wish it will be bright and it can remove my sadness feeling. AH my plan today for this weekend, little different then a few weeks. I want go to cake cafe and spend more hours to make launching the travel website soon.

I am into trouble because my sister alaways ask me and said I am not help her so much. poor me :( because the network is not usefull here. I also can't make skype, browsing when update blog also need long time and over and over failed. Damn network, I dont know until when this over.

After back from church, I visit my friend apartement in South Jakarta and we just talk an hour then I asked him maybe in his office have any vacancy. Then he said yes any vacancy for an admnistration, this company based on America Company, he had position there as IT. He is expart but not from America or Europe. But I wont tell you where is he from. I just wish, he can help me to give my resume to his office.

Today I had plan to sent it when internet cafe. My life so complicated this time, many problems come and come and it never stop. It can make my body become skinny. I don't know how to handle it sometimes, but I just try to survive and think the positive way :)

At least I have a few friend who still care me right. as the way I am. I am real and I am not just for your imagination. Maybe I should break for a while and don't miss me hahaha :p Thanks Matt, although you are so damn busy, you still update information about desasire in my country and for worries about me. Just you are ask my condition am I ok, although I dont know in Indonesia had eartquart, you really nice friend and care friend I ever had.

And for you Little S, you have new name for me ABC (Always Busy Citra) lol, teasing friend, I don't realize we almost 2 years making friendship as pen pal, Almost two time xmas, I wish you will fast graduate from college and find good job and treat me many ice creams and chocolate because you own me that debt. Thanks my red noise friend when winter come, your noise turn on red and like santa clause cartoon.

Thank you too, for my big brother, Johan. I can't wait waiting that gift from you. Why you are so nice with me. I wish your family and kids will be happy the end of this 2014 and become more happiness in 2015. Dutch man, always unique ya, I don't understand them at all :) at least I have few nicerst to me.

Ah, I also have new fans from France, he is nice person and he also will give me side job as his project for the writing. At least this month I can survive, thanks for you my new friend :) I am so appriciate what you are doing. But I am not mysterios woman or "book" for you read hahahaha. Do you really find me different and unique? Of course yea!!! I am unique person and yea i am mysterious make your day wonder who am I hahahaha.

Wanna know who am I? MmMmmmm I just an ordinary woman who has many dreams, fans of chocolate and ice cream. Please don't tease me with both of them, I can't deny it. It is my desire on food. My parents give me long name, and sometimes I hate to write in when got test or interview coz to long D C Y P and I like to make it short Citra Pandiangan, I don't like my first name and I just put my middle name and last name.

I was born on July in Cancer stars in the sky in the middle of night or in evening time, I don't notice it hahaha. My age now already 33 years old. People notice I am ambitious but I am not into that, I just want my dreams and desire become real. Like me real an ordinary woman who love travel in part of Indonesia and one day in Europe too.

I like to live in my imagination life and then make me get inspiration to write it. Now, I decided to keep writing my old project as kids story, christian book and also teen book. I am not mysterious because I just normal human like you which you will completedly difficult to know me more and more, because every day you will find me different.

Long time ago, I hate cook and I hate when i should cook some food, but this time I love to do that, and I like eat food I make it for myself hahahah but sometimes I also shared it with some friends. I am not rich, if you are interested with rich people. Because if I rich I will make my own website not free like this. But I also thanks to who already make my journal day, since I get first sight to used you then wordpress.

Whatever life brings my day, happy, exciting, sad, unhappy I am still stand in my feet and smile although tears almost fall in my eyes. I am not mysterious woman, life is mysterious for me. Because I never know what is end my story because my story still long and still can't get picture from the future.

Always here to make go green so no need book to keep my secret days but sometimes the secret life I will make it become not secret one day into the new project. I am strong, Martin also said like that. AM I strong? Matt always said mmmmmmmmm, I don't know how to explain here.

Back to who am I. I am dreamer woman, I like dreaming and when I am dreaming don't wake me up yea. Because I will be mad and you should treat me many ice cream to make me forgive you hahahaha. I love read books and my mum always upset when I buy books and some my collection in Tanjungpinang already gone half because mama give it to the people. She didn't know how much money I spend it, because one day I want make my own libary and every my own books have history. That is my best friend, book always company me without complain, book can make me keep strong and have good motivation, book also can make me smile when I am sad, I just read humor book then I will hahahahahaha all day :)

If I have magic stick, I want to explore the world alone and find interested people who I don't know them, as long as I am not meet the killers, but it maybe can be other story in my mysterious book or making me become mystrious woman finally hahahaha.

I am not romantic, but people notice me I am romantic. Am I? I don't know, I just like to look moon and starts in the night in open nature and thinking about somewhat romantic way. Ah dinner under that God created night so amazing and romantic way in the boat with the my favorite waves come and play with the deck. So cute, I wish one day my prince will bring me there. Why difficult for me to find one nice man, many just fake and just sit, hurt my feeling and my body into fire. My somewhat I find atheist, why I am not find in the same religion with me.

My parents always push me to make my own family. Long time ago, I am person who don't like to marriage. Because for me the marriage is suck. Having baby and care husband, care of myself also more difficult plus should care some people again hahaha, selfish, :p but almost a few years, I really want to make my own family but I am still afraid for that. For me marriage is someting so scary then the Trail movie ( I mean killer movie or ghost movie which when I watch it I always close my eyes and ask some people near me, is the scary action already gone hahaha).

Sometimes I miss something in my pass life, what is wonderful life (but not all wonderful because that time make me become this time). Many reasons why I am still SINGLE till this time because I don't trust man, I have some deep reason for that and of course it just my secret till I am death, none know about it, ah I just shared with my sister in a few months ago. So, just my sister know my deep secret about it. The reason why I am not intrested with the local man hahahaha.

 Yea my sister know, some local friends want to close with me, more than friends but I can't take it and If they said it and try to win my heart, they never win my heart and I become hate them and become so arrogant and I won't meet them again. My mum always said, open your heart and let you give them change to know you or them each other and find into special relationship. But I can't and I can't. I can't blame them all same, but for my respect for them gone. Many secret life I find from my friends, how is their life become like in hell in the earth. But some also have romantic way life. We can't judge all same but I am still have my own opinion about it.

I don't like children, baby. But I also I don't know why baby (kids) always love when I hug or hold them. Some people already said I can be good mother, but I am not sure, because baby is not doll, they can cry hour and hour and also pup and pee, uh. I hate when they do that hahahaha :p but baby is something amazing, they really cute (if a baby clean and smell good, I love to take some picture them with me, that is why I have many picture with baby). I also had experience work as kids teacher but just a few months only before I fall in love with journalist.

Sometimes I love flashback my life before the end of this year like this month or december, maybe this time faster then usually hahahaha, coz I do writing it on 16 November on this diary-citra.  The flashback always different story because depend on my condition and mood.

Last year I ever said like this, I want baby in my belly without marriage or make love. Maybe amazing getting preganant and single mother (althouh I know it impossible just imagine it make me feel good). Ah talking about preganant make me things a few years ago, I said to people (friends) if I am marriage I wont having baby, that is why I will choose man who will not ask to have kids in marriage. But last year I change my mind, I want baby but this time I change again, I wont or maybe next time change again I want hahahaha, crazy Citra. I also don't know what happened with my mind always change everytime like have many tuts you can do like this, other or nothing.

Life is like empty paper and you can't write it but you just can read it if it already happened in life but you can imagine what is life you wanna be. I wish the end of this year I really find my prince and marriage soon, because I want to. But please don't sent or meet me with man who make me broken heart. I am tired just walk in the some circle every year. I want new adventure, I moved to Jakarta some circle still follow me, when I have other circle who will more interested.

I am bored pray every my breath but it never happened. I am jealous with some people who have happiness  marriage, like my cousin. Her life really lika fairy tale but jealous with mean good way not bad way hahahaha. I wish soon I will find my desire about man, work before the end of 2014 over. can I? I wish I can, if you wanna be part of my adventure life, contact me, I will selected which good one for me till we grow old together, hahahaha.

See you soon for other flashback crazy mindset of Citra Pandiangan. Kuss in ducth language, in English said kiss, Indonesia is mean CIUM.

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